I find sometimes my own pain and discomfort can make me reactive. But sometimes the person who needs to be most aware of the emotions roiling inside of me, that are pricking me and making me reactive, is myself. Listening to myself, allowing my emotions to be heard. Receiving empathy and an ear to listen to us, and someone willing to reflect things back to us can sometimes be helpful, but that can make us dependent sometimes, to some extent... sort of... unwilling to do the work ourselves when we are not receiving love from outside ourselves, not willing to give ourselves the love we need and deserve, to honour ourselves by giving our inner world the time and attention it deserves, sometimes in solitude, where we can respectfully focus on our own needs and allow distractions to roll past us. This is a privilege that sometimes fades in adulthood, this time to give ourselves self-love, when we start becoming responsible, and having others who needs us more than ourselves; but be willing to do the work ourselves is a good and important step to being self-sufficient enough to become one who is able to offer and give to others, like one's children, rather than focusing always on trying to find others to meet our needs.
You know, I'm trying to sound wise, but the more I reflect on this, the more I'm realizing that I don't really have this figured out much at all. What am I trying to say.
...
The main thing I want to say is to honor the people who give you their energy and time with authenticity and sincerity... it doesn't always happen, and sometimes the spaces we have to do this become sparse as our time becomes more and more committed to various important life commitments.
So, if you want to honor the attention people give you who truly honor you and value you, why not... take some time and set the intention to be grateful and mindful in the receiving of it... and be clear about your needs, and find ways to really connect with your own self on a deeper level, and to communicate clearly and with some amount of love and respect in letting the people you are choosing to have a deep authentic connection with know that in a given moment. For instance, if you are feeling pain or a need to be heard or have your feelings or experiences reflected back to you, you can state so clearly, even though this is a thing which makes us feel vulnerable, but it is an offering of trust that allows our relationships to deepen when it is returned to us in kind. Learning to resonate with these authentic kinds of connections will allow you to be more sensitive to the needs of the ones you love without being reactive because of your own fears of your own needs being met, and it will also allow you a clear window in order to also share your own needs, without being selfish or rejecting the needs or being insensitive and careless with the needs of the people you are in relationship with.
This need for communication and willingness to hear is a deep need that often isn't met in superficial levels of relationship sometimes. So choosing a little bit everyday to practice this sort of things helps people find the courage to speak up for themselves respectfully, and to not take it personally when others around us are hurt and reactive and need us to listen to what their needs are that aren't being met, sometimes unspoken needs that they don't feel comfortable sharing in a given moment.
If you ever feel like you don't 'deserve' to receive authentic love and your deeper self being listened to, respected and honoured - and sometimes this may express itself by treating others this way, because a need we cannot acknowledge deserving for ourselves, we will have difficulty acknowledging the worthiness of others to receive- if you feel you don't deserve it in a given moment, try to think of why, and actions you can take, compassion, empathy, usually simple things that mostly involve respecting and honouring others peoples' feelings and needs... by choosing in the moment of feeling unworthy, and practicing something that helps you feel worthy and deserving of having your needs met, you will both feel more self-respect, but also feel more willing and able to give that respect to others, and to insist on receiving that kind of respect (in a respectful way) from others in your relationships as well.
I think aretha franklin has a song to share on the deeper meanings of these ideas.
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