I'm reading a book by dr. Peter Peter R. Breggin, MD called "Beyond conflict".
In the introduction, it shares the premise that there are three main modes of relating, or sort of 'values':
Love
Liberty
Coercion
In love, you don't want to harm the person in relationship with, even in self-defense
In liberty, people may compete, but there is a certain amount of 'justice', and respect for people's 'rights'
People might use violence, ie coercion, but only in legitimate self-defence
in coercion, the idea is to kind of dominate through power and fear to get your needs met in relationship, which kind of means constant conflict (or threat of violence harm), and is often the least stable place to be, since if you lose the advantage, people will often do their best to take you out when the opportunity arises, including supposedly 'allies'. loyalty is often paraded as being most important, vs other virtues or integrity (this meets the coercer's need to feel more safe and secure, ie create a culture where this is the norm, and they hope that it will deter people from opposing them for their own, or others' best interests. requires eliminating or neutralizing people who value integrity and morals and other virtues over loyalty to power structure, current regimes, etc. i'm sure there is a lot of focus on 'winning' and 'success' in this area, but often from a place of woundedness, or desperation - this tactic most often results in 'lose-lose scenarios, where one person loses, and someone else 'loses less', but calls it 'winning';
In liberty, win-lose, and lose-win are possible between a given relation, and is most probable; but win-win is also possible;
only in love is the win-win scenario focused on almost exclusively.
so high frequency consensual relationships, involving complex dynamics and symbiosis, are only possible in the most synergetic relationships, that most frequently occurs in the 'love' dynamic - the level of interdependence, and therefore mutual trust and potentially self-sacrifice for the good of the whole, is only great enough in this dynamic to sustain these levels of 'frequency' or complexity/risk.
Not all of that is in the book lol, but some good stuff so far, only just started reading it...
slow reader...
In liberty, people may compete, but there is a certain amount of 'justice', and respect for people's 'rights'
People might use violence, ie coercion, but only in legitimate self-defence
in coercion, the idea is to kind of dominate through power and fear to get your needs met in relationship, which kind of means constant conflict (or threat of violence harm), and is often the least stable place to be, since if you lose the advantage, people will often do their best to take you out when the opportunity arises, including supposedly 'allies'. loyalty is often paraded as being most important, vs other virtues or integrity (this meets the coercer's need to feel more safe and secure, ie create a culture where this is the norm, and they hope that it will deter people from opposing them for their own, or others' best interests. requires eliminating or neutralizing people who value integrity and morals and other virtues over loyalty to power structure, current regimes, etc. i'm sure there is a lot of focus on 'winning' and 'success' in this area, but often from a place of woundedness, or desperation - this tactic most often results in 'lose-lose scenarios, where one person loses, and someone else 'loses less', but calls it 'winning';
In liberty, win-lose, and lose-win are possible between a given relation, and is most probable; but win-win is also possible;
only in love is the win-win scenario focused on almost exclusively.
so high frequency consensual relationships, involving complex dynamics and symbiosis, are only possible in the most synergetic relationships, that most frequently occurs in the 'love' dynamic - the level of interdependence, and therefore mutual trust and potentially self-sacrifice for the good of the whole, is only great enough in this dynamic to sustain these levels of 'frequency' or complexity/risk.
Not all of that is in the book lol, but some good stuff so far, only just started reading it...
slow reader...
[edit: that synergetic relationships are not possible outside of the love mode may be an error; predator and prey in nature often have a sort of symbiotic, balancing relation that keeps the prey healthy and the predators healthy, and keeps populations in a good balance. in the love mode, it does seem that it is more possible for this to be CONSCIOUS, or INTENTIONAL, though- where decisions may be less based on instincts and drives of a primal nature, and potentially on higher level values and traits refined over time, 'character', etc. I will have to think about this some more.]
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